|
| Heya! I'm just writing because well, I've got nothing to do.
Anyway, I'm listening to old songs now. Songs that kept me company while you were away.
Take the photograph, it'll be the last.
Not a dollar, or crowd could ever keep me here
I dont have a past
I just have the chance
not a family or honest plea remains to say.
Rain, rain go away, come again another day, all the world is waiting for the sun.
To lie here, under you is all that I could ever do.
Go listen to these 2 songs.
Rain - Breaking Benjamin
Your Guardian Angel - The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Anway, I'm sitting here. Thinking about our past. Do you remember how we could talk for hours straight. We never ran out of things to talk about. We would just entertain each other, just you, just me.
And that was, and is, all i needed.
I don't know what happened.. Suddenly, you've somehow got bored of me. When we talk, we have nothing to say. You'll sleep first on the phone because it's just so boring. Why? Why is it like that. You say that if we do not message during the day then we'll have something to talk about. But honey, that's not a conversation we'll have; all we do then is to state whatever happened in the day.
Maybe you've got too much of me with you.
Or, maybe that's what exactly happens to couples. Your pledge of love is a glorious condemnation. You'll spend your life tied to someone, when he/she is angry you'll have to pacify him/her. When your special one is sad, you have to be there for comfort. So many sacrifices have to be made, so why love at all? Because, well, simply as I see it, because of love.
Yes, it is sad that you'll get bored and fed up with me. Yes, it is depressing that you have to go out of your way every time to pick me up. But you'll be there. And that is what love is. No matter what.
Even if I get pissed off at you for not spending more time with me, it hurts me just as bad for being angry with you. I could never get angry with you. I get frustrated because I want what's good and right for you. But that conflicts what I humanly and selfishly want for myself - you. Get it? No?
Well, I want you to be here all the time, with me all the time. All your attention, care, love, everything has to be here. But that's not right, I shouldn't do it. I should let you live. And these wants contradict each other.
This reminds me of the two main characters in Wuthering Heights. They are so passionately in love with each other that it is indescribable. One day, if you feel up to it. Go read the book. We are so much like them dear.
Okay, so well, you're growing up, getting to a new stage in life, meeting new people. As much as I want you and me to be just, you and me; like last time, that can never happen. You need to go enjoy your life, and live it fully. I need to do that too. But it's extremely difficult for me. All I've known is you, and you are like my top priority. I have to learn to let go of you a little, let myself free a little. And yet stay strong with you. Many things will happen, but well, we have to go through it anyway. And no matter how frustrated I get, how much I want to kill myself, I'll be right here with you as we get through life.
| | |
| On random note, I realised i get most of my title inspirations from music.
School has started and all my classmates are scattered.
Hey guys, greetings from JC. How's life? How's school? Friends? Well, i confess i'm sure missing you guys.
Not that my school's bad or anything, but honestly, there's no way there'll ever be a class like ours. All the stomping, shouting, shouting, screaming, sparring. All gone. How ironic isn't it? The bunch of us were so focused on the common goal - exams, that we totally forgot to really appreciate the time we had with each other. Okay, i admit, to really appreciate these kinds of stuff is impossible. You can't enjoy it and yet take a step back and objectively appreciate it simultaneously. Oh well.
I hear oh-so-many things about all of us. Each one of us, making an impact in the greater world. Can you believe it? Could you believe it? We are grown, we are gone. Do you still remember the class? The friends, no not friends, the brothers? Our brothers? I hope you guys are finally realising what we had. I hope we all remember the important lessons on our 4-year-journey. Whatever the memory, keep it in your heart, uphold it. Let's commemorate our time together like this. Keep the way we are, were.
I'm sorry. I realise i'm being so idealistic. Everyone's going to change, going to grow; into serious, capable and unique men. Yet, something bonds us together.
This line's from a song:
Your history is mine.
| | |
| Soft, smooth porcelain skin. Cheeks slighty blushed. Hair curled in a messy yet alluring tousle. Only she would capture my heart that way. I lay next to her, feeling her warm body and her presence, "These are the moments I live for." Her hair would always smell nice - the heavenly scent encompassess everything. She, softly breathing, sweetly dreaming - oh how much I would give to make this moment last. Does she know that I pray for her? Every day? Does she know I long for her? And this feeling; it cannot be gotten used to my dear. Look at her, she is so lovely, despite all her flaws, all her shortcomings, I daresay I love this girl. Truly. And the Sun's rays slowly peeks through the curtain, a new morn, a new day with you. And it's a new day worth the living. | | |
| That night I still remember - the dark trees, the stormy, foreboding clouds, you. Do you remember the walk we had? Do you remember the smell of that humid summer night? We left from church that night, the moon blotted out, the trees swaying to the gusts of wind - just you and me. It was, in all aspects, an unpleasant night to go for a walk. The clouds were foreboding, the wind was hot, even as we walked down the empty street, I could see the beads of perpirations trickling down your neck. But nevertheless, we walked. On the pair of us went, choosing the longer route. As the walk started, nothing was heard but the sparse sounds of cars at the main road. You were deadly silent, and it seemed to suit that night. I remember feeling that there was something amiss; you looked disturbed, as if you had something to scream about, but just could not do so. In a bid to console any of your fears or assuage any of your doubts, I asked about it. But my attempt was vapid. You looked at me, stared me down, and presumed your course. I recall mentioning this aloud that night; were you too engrossed in your own thoughts or did you find it amusing to keep me in pain, "Seems that the weather suits your mood." The howling wind was the only answer I could receive. Though there was silence, there was animousity all about. Violent dissapproval radiated from you - "What did I do? I did not know why you treated me so. The both of us spent the rest of the journey walking apart on each side of the road, you were on the sidewalk. Though you were so filled with angst, the fact could not be denied that your beauty still shone. Each time you passed under the yellow-orange streetlight, I would look at you, longingly, for you never looked back. Then we came to the bend where I had to move to the same side as you. As I stepped onto the curb, I saw a glint on your face - tears, hot tears were streaming down your face. I could not take it anymore, "What's wrong hon?" Silence. "Come on, tell me.. Tell me.." Silence "Just tell me.. What did I do? Is it my fault?" "No, it's not." Finally, an answer. "It's just me." After that, like a wave, silence followed again. Then you reached for my hand, your smooth, slender fingers slowly wrapping around mine. It was a resolution. As we reached the playground near your house, I stopped and pulled you close to me and willingly, you buried your head in my chest. Nothing was said, nothing was needed to be said. | | |
| Isn't it apt? That I'm here, the day before my graduation. I really dont want to go to school, I don't want to say goodbye, there's never such a thing as goodbye. The last three days I've not been in school, is this my real reason? To get away from everything? Think about it guys, tomorrow we will be gone. The last four years, I have taken all of you for granted. Yea, go jon. I seriously hate this feeling (hate is a strong word, I should thus use it here.) I hate the feeling of knowing something is coming, something inevitable, something you don't want to come, yet want to come at the same time. You're torn between it. Sigh, the cliche of cliches: I wish time would stop right here, right now. Will we remeber each other? Will we remember the crazy dances, the screaming, rambling, babaric behaviour? Will we remember INFE, LAS VEGAS, JUUUSST? Funny those words are, but we are funny people. Do not belittle the short phrases used to describe our memories, for in each word there is an all encompassing, deep and inexplicable meaning. It will not be found in the Longman Dictionary, Oxford Dictionary, or whatever small pocket dictionary. I just hope that we will remember it - the meaning of it, to us, of course. In a matter of hours the day will come, the day where the ceremony is held. Where all things end. I know, I know - when a door is closed, another one is always opened, I know we should celebrate our meeting, our growing, maturing - well I do not think I am quite ready to accept it yet, yet. There's so much to say that words cannot convey; this is where language fails. I want you all to feel what I am feeling. To comprehend through an experience of your own, this is where you will best do so. But, how do I do so? There is no way, well not that I can think of. This is why I keep liking it to family and loved ones. Once time has passed, it will not return. Once flower blooms, it will never return to its bud. Only its legacy will be left behind. No matter if we invent a time machine, no matter if we learn to tesseract - it is of no use. Time has gone. All we have left are memories, faith, and love. I daresay, love is what I feel. Let me relate it breathing: one just breathes, and takes it for granted, however, when you cannot breathe anymore, you realise you love it, you need it - "one does not love to breathe." Yes, however gay, however sissy, I dare say it. I dare admit what i feel - I love you guys. Okay, I know everyone is tired of my rambling. Well, just one last thing. Just remember this, when all else fades, when trophies are masked by a film of dust, when achievements seem to dissolve into nothing, we'll be here - Friends. Go listen to these songs, Hotel Roosevelt - Augustana, The First Single - The Format, Goodbyes - Jamisonparker. | | |
|
